The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
