Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I met the friendliest cop last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize