I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
