so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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