does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
