I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
