I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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