We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
These tits shall not be calmed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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