youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
