Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
