There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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