Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
