I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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