I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
