I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
