Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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