I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
