Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
