broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
