guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
