So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
