how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
