I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
