Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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