she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
