but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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