Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
