sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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