i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They have beer where we have blood.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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