dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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