Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
