How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
