just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
