The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
