what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
this hospital has no fireball
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
