don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
