he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
