If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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