remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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