I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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