I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my shit smells like andre
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
