There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
