You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
