he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
