according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize