If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
