Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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