i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
