She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There r osticjed everywhere
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
