remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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