Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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