i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
