You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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