sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
