Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
