your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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