We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
