I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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