i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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