you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
