What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
