Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
