Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
