so that wasnt chicken after all
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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