i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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