Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
