All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
