..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
