3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
