things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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