very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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