It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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