to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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