im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
